INt. ORE - CONtINUOUS
Peggy and Mrs. Pressman enter, worried.
MRS. PRESSMAN
You tell Maggie.
PEGGY
No, you tell her.
MRS. PRESSMAN
No, no. Youre friend.
PEGGY
No.
MRS. PRESSMAN
(holding her
newspaper)
You knos just possible t she
read t.
PEGGY
Yeah.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Maybe s read the paper...
On ter, today opened to the
article about Maggie.
MRS. PRESSMAN (contd)
... Or not!
e folloairs inside the hale hardware
Store, ttiest, most welcoming ss kind anywhere
in small to of
ter; botop and se brightness,
cy. Maggie comes doeps
o an elderly customer, MR. PAXtON.
MAGGIE
(bright)
ique er
;quot; still on it,
guaranteed to fit any American Standard
cast iron tub er
made bether
of the
dogon.
MR. PAXtON
(amazed)
hallelujah.
MAGGIE
Alrigon, Ill put it on
your account.
Maggie rounds tomer, EARL, stands by the
paint machine.
EARL
Maggie.
MAGGIE
( customer)
You dont need an air conditioner, Earl,
you just need an attic fan -- theres
more in the back.
Maggie steps be counter of tore and takes the
account book out. rails off as she dour
expression on the faces of her friends.
MAGGIE (contd)
?
Peggy nervously mentions the newspaper.
PEGGY
(delicate)
So -- Mag -- youve seen this, huh?
MAGGIE
(serious)
Yes, Ive seen it. And I o say
its t and most offensive...
joke anybodys ever played on me!
to t, Maggie starts smiling.
MAGGIE (contd)
You guys! ake you?
Maggie stays amused.
MAGGIE (contd)
this done?
(laughing)
You creeps! I se you!
And his
is four.
PEGGY
Uold us to bacte
jokes, so ...
Maggie looks at tricken face of her friends.
MRS. PRESSMAN
holy moly.
Peggy looks like so cry hy for Maggie.
Maggie is starting to feel uncomfortable. She looks down,
dubiously, at the paper.
MAGGIE
Um, you know, now would be a good
moment to tell me this is fake.
(no response)
It be funny if you drag it out.
Okay?
(no response)
Okay, ...
Real newspapers smear. Phoney papers
dont.
S against her apron, leaving
an INK SMEAR!!
She nearly kneels over.
MAGGIE (contd)
(sitting)
Bag.
Peggy and Mrs. Pressman immediately spring to hey
give o breathe in.
MRS. PRESSMAN
Bag.
CUt tO:
INt. MAGGIES ORKOUt ROOM/GYM - NIGht
e see Maggie kickboxing in anger. the radio is on. She
suddenly stops, yanks Ikes article off the wall, leaves her
area and goes to her desk.
ANGLE ON DESK AREA:
Surns off to type ter.
MAGGIE (V.O.)
quot;Dear Editor...quot;
EXt. MANtAN - DAY - EStABLIS
As Maggies VOICE-OVER continues to read ter, ake in
a Mantan busy day. It is big, loud, and anonymous.
MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)
quot;Greeting from ticks! Perhaps you
believe t a rural education is
focused mainly on hog calling and
tractor maintenance rathan reading.
a piece of
fiction about me and call it fact?quot;
te CAMERA FINDS Ike, striding across a busy street, dodging
taxies. A OMAN smacks h a newspaper. he passes a OMAN
tRAFFIC OFFICER, t dog stand. s and passes a
FALAFEL VENDOR. to a USA today truck.
MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)
quot;I suppose Mr. Graoo busy
tatements about
o both
something silly like accuracy in
reporting. andable,
because ;man-eaterquot; like me on
time to cs?quot;
EXt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCKS - CONtINUOUS
he passes regular GUYS who cheer him.
MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)
quot;Still, ic queens can get
pretty cranky whings in
print t our feelings, like t
ely abandon fiances h
malice aforet.quot;
INt. USA tODAY LOADING DOCKS - CONtINUOUS
ers to Ellies office.
INt. USA tODAY OFFICE - CONtINUOUS
y room. tracts a
lot of attention from tle
surprised, but hes pleased.
MAGGIE (V.O.; contd)
quot;ts wo find Mr.
Graor was a woman. Call me a
sentimental fool, but I sort of hoped
er could stick toget;
Ike ors office. ChUFFA
Ike greets various o tors
secretary, ELAINE. S smile.
IKE
(to Elaine)
Ill put in a good word for you.
ELAINE
No, no, dont mention my name in there.
IKE
hy?
A buzz.
ELAINE
You can go in now.
Ike goes into Ellies office. Elaine picks up her phone.
CUt tO:
INt. ELLIES OFFICE - CONtINUOUS
ELLIE is t editor. Stylish and successful looking, shes
about Ikes age. Ellie sits beh a scowl on
ty face. s
noncly on ters as Ellie reads
Maggies letter.
ELLIE
(reading letter)
quot;Any dropping you big city
folk ttle note to say t I have
t of a ritual sacrifice t would
satisfy my current appetite: Ike
Grater. Yours
truly, Maggie Carpenter. P.S. -- I
of the gross
factual misrepresentations in your
article. teen.quot;
Ike sits as Ellie puts tter doakes off her glasses.
IKE
(cs)
Fully. I like .
ELLIE
I left four messages. You dont return
my calls.
IKE
So? I never returned your calls, even
ws
Fisher doing here anyway?
Fiss and places a po of t on a bookshelf on his
o the room.
FIShER
Ellie asked me to come doo offer
moral support.
IKE
Since when does Ellie need moral supp--
ELLIE
-- Its for you, Ike.
IKE
?
ELLIE
Journalism lesson number one. If you
fabricate your facts, you get fired.
Ellie pusoday later across the desk for him
to read. Ike picks it up and skims tter. his face is as
impassive as stone.
IKE
Lesson number two. Never work for your
former spouse.
ELLIE
ts not noto do . You
cooked tory up and you kno.
IKE
I didnt cook up a story. I had a
source.
ELLIE
Someone reliable, Im sure. A booze-
hound in a bar?
FIShER
In vino veritas.
IKE
Dont knock drunk guys in bars. Drunk
guys in bars are good. It means
t driving.
Ike gets up and stands near Ellie, making .
IKE (contd)
Besides, Im a columnist. t
columnists are supposed to do. this is
ch, we
go out on a limo. ts w makes me
good!
ELLIE
No, ts w makes you unemployed.
IKE
I merely e tuff. Youre the
one t serves it up.
Ike puts doter and puts o his
pocket.
ELLIE
Not anymore. I o drahe line.
(pushing a piece
of paper)
S us t. Our lawyers say
its actionable.
Ellie .
IKE
(scoffs)
Lawyers.
(glances at list)
I dont know, Ellie -- Firing me is
going to be very tougs
going to be o get over. there
herapy bills for you.
ELLIE
(shrugs)
I already made an appointment for later
today.
IKE
(putting t
doanding)
See? You custody of my job? ...
just consider my slapped
and call me when you feel Ive served
my time?
ELLIE
Im sorry, Ike. t.
Fis eacher
for a sober moment.
ELLIE (V.O.; contd)
If you go quietly, Ill get you
severance pay.
Ellie fidgets oy rake, the door.
tle at truth of her words and walks
out. Ellie collapses back in o her and
rubs her shoulders.